


The Ghost of Professor X

by Cxellover



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-25
Updated: 2011-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-24 23:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/268883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cxellover/pseuds/Cxellover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place shortly after the movie along with some back story based on the comic and a McAvoy interview.</p><p>Charles thinks he has found the way to deal with the chair but it is not what he expects</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ghost of Professor X

**Author's Note:**

> I am putting a warning here about suicide. No one dies but I don't want to cause people to become uncomfortable with how Charles is dealing with his problems.
> 
> Also please remember that this is the 60s and the Americans with Disabilities act is long in the future so there was very little (if any accommodation at all) for people with disabilities.

He remembered the first time it happened. It was in college. He was the youngster of the group but they accepted him because he was so damn helpful to have around at test time. It was a party that had a lot of free flowing drinks and drugs. This cute girl with amazing green eyes came to him with what looked like a sugar cube and offered it to him.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“LSD. It’s all the rage now,” she answered. He looked at her eyes which were dilated and looked a little crazed.

“Are you tripping now?”

“Yeah, wanna join me.”

He shrugged and popped the cube in his mouth letting it dissolve. He sat back in the beanbag chair with the green-eyed girl draped over him. They kissed a bit and fool around a bit. He wondered when it would kick in.

She whispered in his ear “I’ll be back. I have to go visit the powder room.” And then she giggled and got up.

Then it happened. He found himself looking at himself from above. He looked at his hands which were there and not there. For a second he wondered if he had died but he could see himself breathing.

‘I am seriously tripping’ he thought. ‘And I really need to get a hair cut.’ He wandered around the party for a while. Doors had no meaning when you are a spirit. He became very educated about various aspects of sex that evening. He was having a good time when he heard his name being shouted in his ear.

“Charles! Hey Charles! You OK man?”

He turned to see no one there but the shouting increased in volume and tempo. Then a ringing slap brought him right back to reality. His eyes opened to the relief of everyone around him.

“Dude,” said one guy, “Dude that was not cool.”

“What happened Charles?” asked his bio-chem lab partner who had invited him to tag along with him to the party. “You tripping there?”

“I was,” said Charles with a bit of a petulant tone, “Not now.”

“You scared the shit out of me,” said the green-eyed girl. “I thought I had killed you.”

Charles put two fingers to his temple and said, “Kelly, I’m fine. You didn’t kill me. It was kind of fun.”

Kelly said “Yeah it was kinda fun wasn’t it.” She flopped back into his lap and said “Just don’t scare me like that.” And she kissed him.

Later that night Charles got to try out some of the new things he learned from his wanderings on Kelly who seemed very pleased with it.

He dropped acid a couple of more time, and did it with Kelly a few more, before he realized that he didn’t need the acid to let his mind wander as it were. It was just another manifestation of his mutation. And with some practice, he could do it on his own.

One night in the hospital after a rather grueling day of physical therapy, he sat in his chair looking out the window at people walking across the hospital grounds. He rubbed his hands over his legs. The non-sensation was still weird to him. He wondered if he would every get use to it. He was getting anxious to get out of this hospital and back to his life or what was left of it.

He found himself sitting and drifting a bit and then he found himself standing next to his chair. Standing next to his chair! The joy and relief were short lived when he glanced at the chair and found himself still sitting in it but kind of slumped.

‘Ah,’ he thought. But then he took a step and it felt good. So he took another and started walking around his room. He knew that this was his mind at work but he didn’t care. He was walking. He wandered out of his room and walked around the hospital and the grounds. He ran across the grounds reveling in it. He laughed.

Then he heard the voice in his ear, “Professor, are you alright? Professor. Sullivan, go get the Doctor on call, I think he might have had some form of a stroke.”

Charles snapped back to his body and opened his eyes, “I’m fine” he said rather crisply.

The nurse jumped at the sound of his voice. “Oh thank god” she said. “I was rather worried about you. For a second there I thought…” her voice trailed off but her thoughts did not ‘you had died’ came the tail end to Charles’ brain.

“No, I must have drifted off. I have been told I can be difficult to wake when I am really asleep” said Charles with his most disarming smile.

But this time it didn’t work. He found himself under going a battery of tests to make sure that he didn’t have any blood clots or strokes or seizures. It pushed back his rehab and kept him in the hospital longer than he expected to be. Charles was frustrated with the whole thing but kept it to himself because he knew that he had a way to regain in some part what he lost.

Charles was glad to be home. He was so tired of hospitals and rehab. He was ready to get back to his life without all these extraneous minds that kept invading his. He found himself working more at keeping his mind away from others. He just wanted to feel normal or as normal as he had ever felt. And the mansion was a place of safety for him.

Alex got the wheelchair that Charles had been using out of the trunk and opened it up. He opened the car door and removed one of the armrests to allow Charles a straight shot into the chair. Charles maneuvered himself into the seat and got his legs on the footrests. Alex handed him the armrest and Charles put it back into place. He put his hands to the wheels and started to try to turn to get out of the way of the door but the gravel underneath the chair made it difficult. Alex saw quickly and jumped in to push Charles towards the house. Charles suppressed the urge to yell at Alex that he could do it thank you. He found himself suppressing a lot of emotions recently.

Alex, rather than wheeling him to the front of the house, took him around to the side to the entrance into his study. Charles figured out pretty quickly why. Coming around the corner, he saw a new structure on the steps leading up to the patio to the doors of his study. It was a ramp and again Charles found himself suppressing the angry and rage that was welling up inside.

“I see you have been busy while I was away,” he said to Alex and Moria.

Alex said, “Hank was the idea man, we were the labor force trying to get it done before you got back. He called in some favors from some people to get everything in place.”

‘Everything in place for the cripple’ thought Charles.

Moria put her hand on Charles’ shoulder and said, “You shouldn’t think like that.”

Charles was a little startled “Did I say that out loud?”

“No but your thoughts are bleeding a bit into our brains” said Hank coming out of the study onto the patio. “I know it can’t be easy for you.”

Charles looked at Hank in all his blue furry glory. Out of everyone here, he could probably at least have an inkling of how Charles felt.

“Let me show you what we did” said Hank and Alex pushed Charles into the study.

In the study there was a rather impressive chair waiting for him.

“Hank made it” said Alex. “He said that he worked to make it as ergon..ergo..”

Hank cut in, “Ergonomic as possible. I figured that it would be less pressure on certain parts of your body if I made it this way. Also it is electric with a solar panel for the battery or you can plug it in.”

Charles stared at the chair and his future all in one place. He took in a deep breath and released it. “Let’s try it” he said. Hank picked him up very gently and sat him down in his new chair. Charles did have to admit that the chair, or what he could feel of it, was very comfortable. He tentative touched the joystick on the arm rest and found himself slowly going forward. Alex folded up the other wheelchair and put it in the corner of the study. “Very nice job Hank” Charles said in all sincerity.

Hank smiled or what passed for a smile for him now, “Let me show you the rest of what we did.” Hank led a tour of Charles new quarters. They had redone the lower guest bedroom and bath and brought down his bed from upstairs along with all his possessions approximately where he had them when he had left for Cuba. Hank had added a bar to the bed so Charles could get in and out of it.

The bathroom was a marvel. Charles could see how Hank had worked out the best way to allow Charles to be as independent as possible. The sink was at his new height with the chair. The toilet had bars on either side so he could get out of his wheelchair and use it. The shower had a seat and bars so Charles could maneuver in the shower.

“I didn’t have time to get the elevator installed yet, that’s next” said Hank.

“No Hank. Nothing to worry about. This is rather amazing” said Charles in all sincerity. “I appreciate everything you did more than I think you will ever know.”

“Well now you are settling in, I need to get back to Washington,” said Moria.

“Let me show you out” said Charles and the two of them went back to the study and out. Hank and Alex watch the two go down the path next to the house talking. They watched them kiss and then Moria stood up and, rather mechanically, walk back to her car with Charles watched her go with a very sad expression on his face. Once she was gone, Charles turned the chair around and worked his way back to the study.

They were waiting when he came in. “It’s for the best” he said, “We need to have as few people know of our existence as possible. Right now we are being hunted for who we are. We need to work to convince them that we are not here to hurt them.”

“Well most of us any way” Sean said under his breath.

Charles gave Sean a very sharp look. Hank saw it and said “What about Raven and Mr. Lensherr and the others? Do we protect them as well?”

Charles had a look of infinite sadness pass over his face “Yes. We do. I am hoping that someday we can work out our differences and find some common ground again.”

He picked up on various thoughts coming from the boys doubt about the future and theirs specifically. Anger towards Erik for what happened to him. And Pity. God how he hated pity. Before Cuba he hadn’t really known how much he didn’t like pity but since then, he really learned how he felt about it.

He looked at his watch. Most of the day was gone.

“Listen we have had a long day. Why don’t I take you all out to dinner to thank you for all the hard work you put in here.”

Hank snorted “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll stay here and work on Cerebro II. But if you could bring me back something that would be great.”

Charles was a little surprised that he hadn’t considered that Hank would have some difficulty going out in public. He figured because Raven had been a shape shifter that when he saw someone blue, he assumed that they could also not look blue.

“What about it Sean and Alex? Up for sometime outside the mansion?” asked Charles.

The two younger lads looked at Hank who nodded and the Sean gave out a whoop sound that shattered a vase. He looked at Charles who for the first time in a long time had a good laugh at the silliness of what just happened.

Everyone relaxed. The Professor seemed to be fine. In fact he was anything but.

Charles was starting to think this was not a good idea. Coming into town was now feeling like a really bad idea. A spectacularly bad idea. He really hadn’t thought it through.

First they had trouble finding parking that would allow Charles enough room to get into the wheelchair. Then there was the problem of getting into a restaurant itself. He hadn’t realized how many places he liked had steep steps either up or down. They finally settled on an Italian place that Charles had been going to for years. Charles remembered that there was really only a stoop to get over rather than stairs.

“Charles, what the hell happened?” asked Leon one of the owners and the bartender when they needed one as Alex wheeled him in.

Charles gave several thoughts a quick pass. And he settled on a version of the truth.

“I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and …” he said.

He stopped short as Lulu, Leon’s wife, came out of the kitchen with a tray of food, saw Charles in the chair and nearly dropped the tray. She composed herself quickly and said, “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” She went into the dining room and passed the food off to the family waiting for it quickly. She checked on them and then came back into the bar area.

“What happened?” she asked pointing accusingly at the wheelchair. “No wait a minute. Let’s get you settled in and then you can tell us what you have been up to Mr. Professor.”

She pointed at Sean “You there. Give me a hand.”

Sean helped her pulled a table forward a bit from the window next to the bar area allowing Charles to move around to the back of it and then they slid the table back in. Except for his seat back, he looked like he was sitting in a chair. Alex and Sean sat on either side of Charles at the table.

“She likes to take charge” Sean said under his breath.

“Always has” said Charles with a bit of a laugh.

They shortly found themselves with a pitcher of beer for Alex and Charles and a pitcher of soda for Sean along with some killer garlic bread.

Charles took a deep sip of the ale and sighed. He almost felt normal. Except the looks people kept giving him. They were just glances but to a telepath they felt like stares. People wondering what happened to him and then there was that pity again. He stuffed his rage and frustration into the back of his head.

Lulu sat down with them and said “OK Charles what happened? And you know I know if you are lying.”

Charles knew that Lulu wasn’t a telepath but he did suspect that she was a bit of an empath so he knew his decision to keep it close to the truth was a good one.

“I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got shot in the back” he said succinctly.

“So this isn’t temporary?” she asked waving vaguely at the chair.

“No. It seems rather permanent” said Charles. “I just got back from a rehab hospital today.”

“And let me guess, the food was horrible so you came here to have a good meal again” said Lulu with a laugh “Ok we’ll feed you well.”

Charles relaxed just a bit and finished up his pint of beer. Alex poured him another one and the three of them and Leon with Lulu occasionally chiming in had some good conversation and some great food. He felt almost normal again until he realized that he needed to relieve his bladder.

They pulled the table out and he wheeled himself to the small restroom towards the back of the bar area. First problem was that the door pulled out. Then once he was in there, there was no way for him to get from the chair to the toilet. The urinal wasn’t going to be of much use either. Mortified beyond belief but needing to piss like a race horse, he put his two left fingers to his temple, ‘Alex, I need you.’

‘?’ was the response but in a short time Alex managed to squeeze himself behind Charles’ chair. He quickly saw the problem. “What if I held you up so you could use the urinal or do you want me to see if I can get around to help you to the toliet? Man this space is really small.”

“I don’t think they have many wheelchairs in here” said Charles pushing down the rage that was building within him. It just wasn’t bloody fair. He couldn’t even go to out to eat without it becoming a series of problems he had to overcome. He was tired of having to overcome everything. “Let’s try it your way.”

Alex put his arms under Charles’ armpits and clasped his hands in front. He pulled Charles to his “feet” allowing Charles to do his business. They were almost done when someone else tried to come into the restroom but saw that there was no room and they backed out. Charles didn’t like the thoughts coming from their head and he found himself contemplating the idea of making them wet themselves. Alex pulled Charles’ wheelchair back out of the restroom and back to the table.

They resituated themselves and finished up the meal. Alex and Sean were arguing baseball. Charles just sat back and drank and seethed at the unfairness of it all. The food which had tasted so good now felt like ash in his mouth. All he could see was the people looking at the cripple. And the pity, the fucking pity which just rolled his direction just made him more angry.

But he put his game face on and was his usual witty and polite self. A number of the patrons were people he knew from the various businesses in town. He found himself repeating ‘shot in the back’ and ‘not much hope’ so many times. And if one more person said there is always hope, he was going to lose it.

Finally he had enough “Alex, Sean, I think it is time to get back home. Don’t you?”

Sean opened his mouth in protest but got a kick from Alex. Charles paid up their tab and they went back to the mansion. Alex wheeled Charles back to the study where Charles switched back to the chair that Hank made.

“Good night Alex” he said with a little mental push to get the boy out of the study.

He went to the sideboard and poured himself a scotch. ‘Probably not at good idea on top of the beer but I don’t care at this point.’ He found himself pouring another one in pretty short order. ‘Stop. This isn’t going to get you anywhere’ he thought to himself.

He wheeled himself out onto the patio and looked at the grounds bathed in moonlight. He loved walking out on nights like this. He took a deep breath and let it out again. He found himself standing next to himself in the chair. He looked at himself just sitting there. The scotch glass had fallen from his hand when he had projected himself. He imagined himself barefoot and ran across the lawn and wondered why he should ever go back to that useless husk of a body.

Hank McCoy was adjusting. In some ways his change was a good thing. The conclusion to a process that his body was already doing to him. He enjoyed the heighten senses, the strength, the speed but the appearance was that of his nickname, Beast. He also found that he could go with a lot less sleep which he considered a big plus so he had more time to work.

But there were times that the body wanted to run and he just had to give into the urge or he knew he wouldn’t get anything else done. He also knew that after the run, as he called it, he was going to go to sleep for a couple of hours so he planned that in as well.

What he didn’t plan on was finding the Professor slumped in his chair with an empty scotch glass on the ground next to him.

Hank sniffed and smelled the alcohol on Charles’ breath and his skin.

“Charles” he thought carefully “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

No response. Hank checked and he was breathing but very cold having been out in the very crisp night air of November. Hank sniffed. He could smell snow coming. Charles didn’t even have a blanket. He made a snuffling noise and picked the Professor up. He carried him in carefully to his bedroom, put him on his bed, removed his shoes and covered him with a quilt that was at the end of the bed. He went back out, brought the chair in and took it to Charles’ bedroom so Charles could get into it when he woke up.

‘Or sobers up’ thought Hank as he went off on his run.

Charles came back to the patio to find his body not there. He figured out pretty quick where it was and went to his bedroom. He looked at himself lying there. Totally helpless. He felt a headache coming on and figured that the alcohol he had consumed had caught up with him. He wished his projection could bring him a couple of aspirin and a glass of water but that would be too much to ask. He reluctantly re-entered his body and went to sleep.

And awoke with a wanging bad headache. He had been hung-over before but whatever he did last night was up there in bad hangovers. He got into his chair and went to the bathroom where he took a couple of aspirin and gulped a couple of glasses of water. He thought about whether he should get up or go back to bed. The headache won. He maneuvered his way back to bed and went back to sleep.

He woke up a couple of hours later with the headache down to a dull roar but his stomach protesting the lack of food. Looking outside he figured it for about noon. His watch confirmed his suspicions. He got into the chair again went to his dresser and grabbed a t-shirt, underwear and sweatpants. No need to really be formal today. He went to the bathroom and took a long shower. He had to compliment Hank, this was the easiest he had had it to take care of himself rather than someone taking care of him. The shower seemed to take some of the sting out of his headache but his stomach was doing flip flops and wanted food.

He wheeled himself into the kitchen to find Alex and Sean at the table. They both looked at him and he could read the concern. He probed a little further and found out how he had gotten to bed. They thought that he had passed out drunk on the patio. Charles almost chuckled out loud.

Alex stood up and asked “So what do you want for breakfast or lunch or brunch?”

Sean piped up “Alex is a really good cook. He’s been cooking for all of us while you were gone.”

Charles thought and said, “How about eggs over easy with some dry toast.”

“Coffee or tea?” asked Alex.

“Coffee please” said Charles. He caught a stray thought from Sean. He was worried about Charles and his drinking. Charles probed a little further to find out that Sean’s father had a serious drinking problem and Sean had to take care of him after his mother left the two of them. And Sean was afraid he was seeing this happen all over again.

There wasn’t much Charles could say so he went to the half truth again. “I apparently made a right fool of myself last night. The last thing I remember was being out on the patio. The next thing I was in my bed.”

“Hank found you” said Sean “out on the patio. Passed out.”

“I’m sorry. I’m suppose to be the adult of the group and I apparently failed at that too.”

Alex put the plate of eggs and toast in front of him “Don’t worry about it. It’s been a little rough on all of us.”

“Where is Hank?”

“Either still taking a cat nap or back in the lab working on Cerebro. He almost has it done.”

Charles wolfed down the food all the while giving Alex compliments for getting the eggs just so. He then wheeled himself to the lab that Hank had set up.

Hank had climbed half way up the wall to get to some wires he had run to the dish into the room through a window.

“The boys tell me that you found me last night.”

Hank hopped down and wiped his hands on a rag. “Yep. Charles…” he really didn’t know how to broach the subject.

“Look. I’ll be honest. My drinking got out of hand last night. I drank for the wrong reasons. I’ll admit that.”

“Charles, it’s part of a bigger issue. Drinking is always part of a bigger issue. And right now you seem to have the entire subscription.”

“Now who is the telepath?”

“Since I have…changed…things are heighten for me. And you are presenting one thing but I am seeing another and…”his voice trailed off.

“It’s OK Hank. I understand what you are trying to say.” And with a thought he removed the doubt from Hank’s mind. For good measure he removed his actions last night from all three of their heads.

Hank shook his head a bit and said “What were we talking about?”

“Cerebro?”

“Ah, it’s done except for you to test it.”

“Shall we?”

Hank got Charles set up under the headpiece. Charles settled back in his chair and waited for Hank to flip the switch. Then he felt his mind expand out and over the planet. This was something he could still do and be good at it in or out of the chair. He made note of mutants that he saw and then he cast about to find… and there it was that void that he recognized. He made a mental note of where the void was and went on. Then everything went back to the room.

“Hank! Why did you turn it off? I was just getting started.”

“Professor, it’s almost 8 pm. You have been in there for 7 hours. I need a break even if you don’t”

Hank and Charles went to the kitchen where there were two covered dishes and a bottle of red wine waiting for them with a note

Figured you’d be hungry when you surfaced. Sean and I went into town to get some supplies.-Alex

As they sat down to the slightly warm chicken cacciatore, Alex and Sean came in from the garage with various bags.

Charles enjoyed listening to the banter and he had to admit Sean was right Alex was an excellent cook. He drank the wine but was careful about it. He had other things he wanted to do tonight and needed a clear head to do it. He left the boys still talking and wheeled himself to his bedroom.

He settled into bed and started relaxing his mind. He wanted to have a conversation with someone and now he knew where he was. What he didn’t know was this was a long step off a very short pier.

Charles had been practicing since that night at the hospital. He was careful at first just so he didn’t end up there any longer than needed. But he kept stretching his  
“reach” as it were so by the time he was coming home, he had spend some time on the ground in his projected form. So he knew how to get further than just the grounds. He had calculated the coordinates on a map he had in the study after he had left the boys talking in the kitchen.

He found that the blank spot was in Miami in one of the seeder parts of town. Charles suspected that there was a Hellfire club there and Erik had hunkered down to figure out what to do next. Charles figured that since Shaw’s death, Erik must be a bit out of sorts.

He stepped out of his body and looked at it. He was so angry about what happened to him. The unfairness of it all just washed over him again. ‘Wrong place, Wrong time’ he thought. Although to be fair he had chosen to be there to stop Shaw not just for Erik but for all of humanity. He closed his ‘eyes’ and projected himself down to Miami. He found himself a couple of streets over from the hospital he had been in. He had worked out where the void was from the hospital because he knew he could get here. He set out walking his way to the void.

It wasn’t as far a walk as he thought. He found the club and entered it. It was the usual speakeasy vibe with strippers. He probed his way further back and down and found a guard in front of a private elevator that went interesting place to him. He went to the elevator and followed the shaft down to a rather nice hidden basement apartment. He could hear a couple voices talking in the next room.

“Erik,” said a very familiar voice ”I’m not sure you have thought this through.”

“My mind is made up Raven. Are you in or out?” came the rumbling tones of Erik with a little bit of echo.

“You know that I’m in. I believe in the cause.”

Charles drifted closer to the door and peeked through. There was Erik behind a rather opulent desk. Raven was draped over one of the overstuffed chairs. Emma was sitting rather prime and proper in a lovely white pants suit.

Emma felt something in the back of her head. She turned and Charles could swear that she saw him.

“Erik you have a visitor” she purred “Were you expecting him?”

Erik open the door through Charles which felt a little weird but he had that happen before and learned not to lose his concentration when it happened.

Erik turned to Emma and said “If this is one of your little games, I am not amused.”

A voice in Charles’ head said ‘If you concentrate a little more, you can be seen.’ She gave him a mental image of how she did that in Russia. Charles, always a fast learner, gave it a try and seemed to appear out of nowhere.

Raven gasped and ran to him and through him. Erik still looked puzzled.

“Charles is here Erik. He is projecting his mind.” She turned to Charles and said “Do you know how dangerous what you are doing is? It’s one thing to play around with it when you are in the same room but across the country is not a good idea.”

“And you would know how?”

“Let’s say that it was because of it I found Shaw or rather he found me. Erik, he really can’t do much to you if I am here so you might as well take off that helmet and greet your old friend.”

Erik took off the Helmet and shook his hair a bit. Charles could see how drawn his face was and the lines that were forming at the corners of his mouth.

Erik could see a ghostly outline of the man he once called brother. Dressed rather casually for Charles but it worked.

“Charles” he said rather formally “you look well.”

“Erik. You look terrible.”

“Well when the government is after you, sleep tends to go by the wayside. And you?”

“I wiped Moria’s memory of all of us so she can’t tell them what happened”

“A little severe for you Charles. Bravo. You’re learning.”

All of the sudden Charles head started to hurt a lot. He looked at Emma accusingly. She shrugged and said “You are doing it to yourself. I am doing nothing to you. Remember you can only stretch yourself so far.”

“Emma” came a warning tone from Erik.

“Not me. He’s projecting over a distance and that taxes the resources a lot. I am surprised he has been as stable as he has.”

“Charles, we can finish the conversation another day. I am not going to change your mind tonight nor are you going to change mine. Go home.”

And with that Erik put the Helmet back on.

Raven said “You better do what he says Charles.” And she turned her back on him.

Emma gave him a mental push and he found himself snapping back into his body rather suddenly.

He came to gasping for air like he had held his breath too long. His face felt wet. He touched it and found that he was having a nose bleed. ‘Great. Haven’t had one of those in years.’ He maneuvered himself to his chair and went to the bathroom to clean up. He grinned since Erik had given him an open invitation to visit again. He went back to bed and slept very deeply well into the morning.

Over the next couple of weeks Charles and Erik had many discussions. The chess board was brought out and Charles would give Erik his moves since he couldn’t move the pieces himself. Most mornings he came back to his body and another nosebleed and headache. He started medicating himself with some of the pain pills that the hospital had given him just in case.

He ‘sat’ down across from Erik at the chess board. Erik looked at him with concern.

“Charles, why haven’t you just come down here to Miami and talked to me?”

“I have a lot going on up at the mansion. This way I can be in two places at once.”

“Charles, you are looking worse each time you come here. Emma has told me that she thinks you are doing serious damage to your body each and every night. But it is like you don’t care. Is there something you aren’t tell me?”

Charles strengthened his shields against Emma. He didn’t want her or Erik to know the truth. He hated his body so much and wanted it to suffer.

Charles felt the beginnings of the usual blinding headache and he tried to put it back in his mind. Then he felt a new sensation of a tightening in his chest and a tingling down his left arm. Pain blinded every part of his body including his useless legs.

“Charles? Charles can you hear me?” He heard two voices saying the same thing but not quite at the same time.

“Alex” he heard “Alex get the crash cart out of the lab. Sean get an ambulance.”

“Azazel to me” he heard Erik say.

And then he heard nothing. He was just floating. Maybe he was dying. He really didn’t know nor did he care. Even in floating , he still couldn’t feel his legs and he thought that was unfair beyond measure. Then the pain started again sharp and clear. Charles gasped as he felt like his heart was being shocked. Then all was darkness again.

He opened his eyes slowly. He heard the beeping of a heart monitor. He felt oxygen mask on his face. He was in a hospital. But was this again or had he dreamed of going home.

“Sean, get the nurse” he heard Alex say. “He’s opening his eyes. Professor? Professor can you hear me?”

Charles tried to speak but failed so he slightly nodded his head. He tried to turn his head to get a look at Alex but it was strapped down.

“You were having seizures” said Alex “they did this to keep you from hurting yourself.”

The nurse came in and checked him over, “I’ll go get the Doctor she said.”

He heard footsteps and Sean’s voice, “I called Hank. So he knows the Professor is awake. Had he said anything?”

“Not yet.”

Then another voice that Charles didn’t know came into the room. Charles did a quick scan to see what he was dealing with. Human, cardiac specialist, family man, very honest was what he got.

“Ah Professor, I see you have decided to rejoin the land of the living.”

Charles croaked out a “what?”

“You had us seriously worried about you. You were lucky that they found you when they did. You had gone into full cardiac arrest. It took a bit to keep you around.”

Charles tried to raise his hand but it was secure to the bed frame. The Doctor and the Nurse unstrapped him so he could move a bit.

“Oxygen mask stays for a bit Professor Xavier. I want to make sure you don’t have a relapse.”

Charles turned his head slowly so he could see the people around him. He felt the concern radiating off of all of them. And from Sean he picked up that technically he had been dead for a while. Sean was angry at him and Alex rather disappointed. He probed a little further and saw from their point of view what had happened.

Hank had come into Charles’ bedroom to check on him since they hadn’t seen him all day. He found Charles convulsing in the bed and called out to Alex and Sean. They had kept him together and Hank had restarted his heart twice before the ambulance got there and Hank hid himself and his equipment in the bathroom while they got Charles out. He felt the out and out fear of losing him.

Then at the hospital where it was touch and go. Charles was severely dehydrated to the point that his body was trying to shut down on him but they kept fighting to save him. That was 2 weeks ago. And Alex and Sean hadn’t left his bedside unless forced to by the staff. He had other visitors. They snuck Hank in a couple of times to have him check on Charles. And there was the time they came in to find Erik and Azazel sitting there with Erik looking terrified and angry.

Charles projected to Alex and Sean ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was doing.’

Sean snorted in derision. Charles figured he deserved that.

Later that night they snuck Hank in again.

Hank looked him over and checked his chart.

“Well?”

“You gave a good go at trying to kill yourself but you failed” said Hank. “Honestly, Charles why didn’t you talk to us? To me? Erik told us what you have been up to and you should have listened to Emma. She knew what she was talking about.”

Charles heard a pop and smelled sulfur.

“I agree Charles, you should have listened to Emma on this” said Erik. He took off the Helmet as a sign of trust but Charles could see Azazel watching carefully.

“I don’t think you have to worry Azazel, I don’t think I could control a fly right now much less Erik.”

Hank said, “I’ll be outside if you need me” and climbed out the window.

Azazel popped out as well leaving the two men alone.

Erik pulled the metal chair over to him and sat down so he was at eye level with Charles.

“You couldn’t tell me?” he asked.

“You left before I could” said Charles “I didn’t figure it out until after you left.”

“You had plenty of opportunities since then Charles. This was childish and dangerous.”

Charles hated being chided and hated the pity that was radiating from his friend.

“I was fucking embarrassed and angry. You waltz away with my sister and I’ll never waltz again” growled Charles. “Look at me Erik. Look at me. I CAN’T WALK. I WILL NEVER WALK AGAIN. Do you even having an inkling of what happened to me? I can’t get up and go when I want and where I want. It is now a whole production to just get up in the fucking morning. I just want it to be what it was.” And Charles, much to his continued embarrassment, dissolved into tears.

He found himself gingerly engulfed in Erik’s arms. Who was holding him and saying things to try to make him feel better. That just let loose another tide of tears and anger. Erik held Charles as Charles just sobbed and raged at all that had happened to him.

Then it past and Charles felt a better than he had in a while. Erik put him back down and sat down next to him.

“Charles, I rarely ask anything of you but I ask this. Please stop trying to kill yourself. I know the world needs you here even with your issues.”

“But I wasn’t…”

Erik held up a hand, “I think we both know the real answer to that.” Azazel popped in with Emma and with a bamf, they were gone.

Hank came back in through the window, “He’s right Charles. I don’t care if you get therapy or what but you can’t do this to us again much less yourself.”

Charles looked at Hank and found out that Hank’s elevated hearing had heard the whole thing while he was on the roof. “I’ll never tell,” said Hank and he left the room.

Alex and Sean came in the next day to see the Professor sitting up and eating.

“Alex I am going to be happy to be going home soon if for nothing else, you at least know how to make a decent egg” he said with a disarming grin.

Both men breathed a sigh of relief. This was much more the Professor that they knew rather than the self-destructive man they had worried that he had become.

It would take time but Charles Xavier was determined to become Professor X again and help his fellow mutants find their place in the world.


End file.
